Bullying hurts, it leaves people feeling hurt, scared and upset. It can make you so worried that you will be unable to function properly. some children skip school to get away from it. It can make children feel they are worthless, that there is something wrong with them. Bullies can make you feel that what is happening to you is your fault.

Bullying hurts and keeps on hurting. Most bullying goes unoticed and unreported. school is a prime location for bullying. The effects of bullying can last a lifetime. It is one of the most underrated and enduring problems in schools today and is a reality in the lives of most children, whether they are bullies, victims or witnesses.




Bullying can take on many different forms, from physical violence and threats of violence to name calling, sarcasm and teasing. Mental and emotional bullying is just as hard to deal with and can ultimately be more painful than physical bullying because the scars tend not to heal.

These are some ways that children and young people have described bullying.

1- Being called names
2- Being teased
3- Being pushed or pulled about
4- Being physically hit or attacked
5- Having your bag and other possessions taken and thrown around
6- Having rumours spread about you
7- Being ignored and left out of things
8- Being forced to hand over money, food or possesions
9- Being attacked because of your colour, race or religion

 



When the word 'bullying' is mentioned many automatically think of schools. A study carried out in 1994 by Sheffield University (UK) revealed that in Britain 10% of primary school children and 4% of secondary school children are bullied at least once a week. It has been said that 1.3 million children a year are involved in bullying in some way. It is also believed that bullying leads to at least 12 children a year in Britain alone commiting suicide.

Bullying is repsonsible for 30 - 50% of all stress related illness in the workplace. This can cost employers 80 million working days and up to 2 billion in lost revenue every year. It also results in low morale, poor productivity and a high staff turnover.

Bullying forms a large part of domestic abuse in the home and can lead to violence and extremely serious psychological damage. It is very common too. 53% of all adults are verbally bullied by their partners and 15% are physically bullied. What some may disparagingly call 'nagging' or 'put-downs' can ruin your life if they continue unremittingly.

Intimidation or actual physical abuse can make you feel trapped, turning you home (which should be a refuge) into a prison. Men suffer bullying as well as women, even thought they may find that hard to admit to themselves, let alone others.





Signs to look for

1- A change in behaviour, such as a lack of concentration
2- A sudden tendancy to become very withdrawn and 'clingy'
3- Depression and mood swings
4- Unaccountable fear
5- Happiness at the weekend and not during the week
6- Physical signs such as - Stomach aches, headaches, sudden bedwetting
7- Unexplainable bruisings
8- Constant lies from a previously honest child
9- Theft from a previously honest child

 



How to approach the subject

Don't question the victim intently or ask something that may make them feel they have done something wrong. Broach the subject gently, giving them the option not to talk about it right now if they feel uncomfortable, all the time letting them know that you are aware and understand. Let them know that you are willing to talk at any time that is convenient for them, a time they will feel comfortable with. When they start to talk - listen carefully to what they have to say. Once they begin to discuss they bullying it may seem for a while that it is all they want to talk about, be patient and let them. It is better for them to let it all out and talk about it instead of bottling it all up inside.





What to do next

Don't overreact. Victims need rational advice and help, not emotional overload. Believe the victim and not any authority fugure that may dismiss the claims simply as 'part of growing up' or 'part of the rough and tumble of life'. No-one should have to put up with bullying. Keep an eye on the victim. If they threaten suicide or self-harm then please take this very seriously and obtain professional help and advice immediately.

If your child is being bullied at school, the school should have a policy for dealing with this. Talk to the Head Teacher/Principle and demand that they action this policy immediately. Demand that your child is no longer a victim. Being a child should not hurt.

Try to teach your child ways to avoid being a 'target'. Here are a few pointers ...

1- Teach them to believe in themselves. Tell them not to automatically believe what others say. Your child is special. Make them aware of that
2- Teach your child that posture makes a difference. The child that stoops and hangs their head will be picked on over the child that stands proud and maintains eye contact. Teach them to walk with confidence and proudly hold their head up.
3- Tell your child that threatening behaviour of any kind is wrong and that if they feel they are being threatened in any way, then they need to tell someone in authority straight away. If you are unavailable, then they must go to a teacher or other trusted adult. The longer this behaviour goes on the harder it is for the victim to stop it. Tell your child that it is not wrong to 'tell on' a bully
 
 



People bully for many reasons ... They may feel upset or angry that they don't fit in. Perhaps they have problems themselves at home. Perhaps they are in fact themselves being bullied. They may be scared of getting picked on so they tend to do it first ! They may just want to show off and seem tough. some people don't like themselves so for this reason feel the need to take it out on others. None of these make bullying right.

There is NO excuse for it.

If you feel your child is bullying others, then talk to them. Find out the reason. You can help them. You may find that the reason is simple, your child may be 'bowing to the pressure of it's peers'. If this is the case then steer them away from that group of friends. Actually supervise their friendships. Make sure that your child understands that it is morally wrong. Make them aware of the impact their behaviour can have on others. If the reason is one that you can't deal with, then seek professional help. Your school or college will be happy to help. Your child need not feel an 'outcast'. With your help they can be integrated back into the normalicy of life.





 
This page was researched from various sources.
One of my Sons has been bullied and his life endangered
because of it, so I am aware first hand of the
consequences of this horrific act.
Please take the time to read the next page



I would like to give special thanks to my Daughter Jemma who designed the buttons and graphics for this page
~
Thankyou Jemma





 
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