1-	Recognise what's happening to you
2-	Accept that you aren't to blame
3-	Seek help and support

Recognising Domestic Violence

Domestic violence includes all kinds of physical, sexual and emotional abuse within all kinds of intimate relationships. The most harmful abuse is carried out by men against female partners, but abuse can also occur by women towards men and also within same sex relationships.

People experience domestic violence regardless of their social group, class, age, race, disability, sexuality and lifestyle. the abuse can begin at any time, either in new relationships or after many years spent together.

Domestic violence can take a number of forms such as physical assault, sexual abuse, rape and threats. In addition, it may include destructive criticism, pressure tactics, disrespect, the breaking of trust, isolation and harassment. Some abusers offer 'rewards' on certain conditions or in an attempt to persuade their partners that the abuse won't happened again. But, however persuasive they may seem the violence usually gets worse over time.

Accepting That You Aren't To Blame

It's not easy to accept that a loved one can behave so aggressively. Because they can't explain their partners behaviour, many people assume that they themselves are to blame. THEY ARE NOT. No-one deserves to be assaulted, abused or humiliated, least of all by a partner in a supposedly caring relationship. It is the abuser's behaviour which needs to change, there is NO excuse

Seeking Help

The most important thing that you can do is to tell someone. For some the decision to seek help is quickly and easily made. For the majority, the process will be long and painful as they try to make the relationship work and stop the violence. The prospect of leaving an abusive relationship can be as frightening as the prospect of staying. Most people try and call a helpline number a number of times before getting what they need and, even after leaving there may still be a risk. NEVER be afraid to ask for help again.

In an emergency ALWAYS call the police

Who Can I Talk To ?

If you or someone you know is experiencing or have experienced domestic violence, there are a range of organisations that can help. Some useful addresses and telephone numbers are provided here for the UK. There are also many other sources, Libraries, Local Authorities and Citizens Advice Bureau are all good areas for further information.

Apologies that the only contact numbers here right now are UK ones, but if you would like to see numbers for your own country added, please email me the details and I will add them to the site

Women's Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline : 0345 023 468. This service can give you support, help and information. They will discuss the practical and legal options available to you and, if you wish, will refer you to a local Women's Aid Refuge and advice Centre or other sources of help. All calls are taken in the strictest of confidence.

The helpline is open from 10am to 5pm Monday to Thursday and from 10am to 3pm on a Friday. Outside of these hours you can contact your local Women's Aid service via your telephone directory or by accessing the Woman's Aid Website. In Wales you can call Welsh Women's Aid on 01222 390 874
Local Women's Aid Refuge Services. There are nearly 300 local refuge projects in England and Wales. Many local Women's Aid groups also run advice centres, drop in centres or outreach services to more isolated areas, as well as local help lines. You can call in to see someone, or telephone for advice and support without having to stay in a refuge.
Refuge 24-Hour National Crisis Line : 0990 995 443. This service provides information, support and practical help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to women experiencing domestic violence. It can refer women and their children to refuges throughout the UK.
Men’s Advice Line and Enquiries : 0181 664 9914. Information, support and advice to men experiencing domestic violence. Open from 9am to 10pm, Monday and Wednesday. Local projects for men are available in some areas.
Victim Support : 0845 30 30 900. Victim Support offers information and support to victims of crime, whether or not they have reported the crime to the police. All help given is free and confidential. You can contact Victim Support direct, or ask the police to put you in touch with your local group. The national help line is open from 9am to 9pm Monday to Friday and from 9am to 7pm on Saturdays, Sundays and Bank Holidays.
Shelterline : 0808 800 4444. Emergency access to refuge services
The Police. Many kinds of domestic abuse are criminal offences, and the police take all domestic violence very seriously. Most forces have specially trained, experienced officers who will listen and speak to you separately from your partner. Women can ask to be seen by a women officer. The Police can, if you wish, arrange medical aid, transport and a safe place for you to go. Their first priorities are your safety and well-being and, if applicable the safety and well-being of your children.

To contact the police in an emergency dial 999/911. At other times you can contact your local police station. you can find the number in your telephone directory.
National Health Service. Many people do not realise how direct an impact their partner’s behaviour can have on their health and that of their children. They may experience depression and anxiety which are often just as damaging as physical injuries - or more so. This can happen during the relationship, or after it has finished.

Talk to your GP or health visitor and tell them the real cause of your worries and injuries. If you have to go to casualty, try to be open about the reasons. This is vital if you are to get the proper medical help and support you need. Remember: you can always talk to the NHS staff in confidence.
The Samaritans : 0345 90 90 90 24-hour confidential emotional support for anyone in crisis. The number given above links up all their branches; or you can use the number of your local branch, which you will find in your phone book.
National Child Protection Line (NSPCC) 0800 800 500 This free, confidential service for anyone concerned about children at risk offers counselling, information and advice.
Careline : 0181 514 1177 A national confidential counselling line for children, young people, and adults of any issue including family, marital and relationship problems, child abuse, rape and sexual assault, depression and anxiety.

How Can I Protect Myself From The Violence ?

Legal Advice

Whether or not the police use the criminal law against a violent person, you can still use the civil law to get protection to allow you to live in safety. Under the Family Law Act 1996, many people experiencing domestic violence can apply for court orders against their abusers. Foe example, you can apply for an order against someone you live with or have lived with *whether or not you have been married), someone you have agreed to marry, or someone with whom you share parental responsibility for a child.

These orders can stop the abusive behaviour itself, or in some cases prevent the abusive person from entering the home. Courts can attach a power of arrest so that if the order is not obeyed, the abuser can be taken to court by police.

If you are on income support or have a very low income you may be able to get legal aid to pay for a solicitor’s advice and legal proceedings.

You can find out more from the police, a solicitor, your local magistrates’ court or county court, Citizens Advice Bureau or Women’s Aid group.

Moving Away

If you are abused by the person you live with, or someone connected with you such as an ex-partner, you may decide it is best to leave your home. If you have nowhere else to go, you may wish to consider contacting the help lines given above or the housing department of your local council. The council should provide 24-hour emergency homelessness service. I they consider that you are vulnerable because you are at risk of domestic violence, and that it would not be reasonable for you to continue living at your home, they must help you find somewhere else to live. If so, they may provide you with temporary accommodation such as a place in a hostel, bed-and-breakfast, hotel or women’s refuge.

A refuge is a safe house where women and children can live free from violence. If offers a temporary breathing space where decisions can me made free from pressure and fear. There are refuges specifically for women and children from particular ethnic or cultural backgrounds - for example black, Asian, Latin American or Jewish women - and some refuges have disabled access and staff trained in special needs.

One of the reasons that many people stay on in abusive relationships is because they wonder how they will manage financially if they leave. There are various benefits which you may be able to claim and some can even be paid in you are working. Your local Social Security Benefits Office will be able to advise you.

What About The Children ?

There are established links between domestic violence and child abuse. Children may themselves be injured or abused or may be at risk of accidental injury, and they may also suffer indirectly even when not directly abused themselves: they are often more aware of the abuse than their parents realise.

Some abusers threaten that if their partner leaves or tells anyone about the violence, their children will be taken away from them. Social services will not take children away for this reason. If you fear your partner will abduct the children you should seek advice. You local Women’s Aid group, Law Centre, Citizens Advice bureau, or a solicitor can advise on issues such as parental responsibility, where children should live, who they should have contact with, changes of school and related problems

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